fanfiction by sheldrake
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I say pants, you say pants...
...but we mean different things

A non-comprehensive guide to British English for fanfiction writers

On my - not even a little bit comprehensive. This is a work in progress.



After the Glorious Revolution - Russell Brand RPS (Russell Brand/Matt Morgan) PG
Why Russell probably shouldn't be allowed to organise a revolution.

Scenes From the End of the World, or The Last Kid on Earth (But One) - Sort of Goth Detectives RPS (Russell Brand/Noel Fielding) PG-13
It's the end of the world - why not go on holiday?

Larger Than Life - You've Gone Too Far Now RPS (Russell Brand/Christopher Biggins) PG13
Christopher is a big fan of olive oil, you know.

Living With the Effects of Involuntary Temporal Slippage - A Case History - The Mighty Boosh RPS (Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt) PG
Time is weird.

Something Close to Silence - Doctor Who (Master/Doctor, Master/Lucy) PG
This is probably a fabrication. Most things are.
Set between Utopia and The Sound of Drums.

A Place Called Home - Doctor Who (Martha Jones) G
What's so bloody special about being human, anyway?

Counting - Sort of Goth Detectives RPS (Russell Brand/Noel Fielding) PG
It was just a threesome without one of the ones, that was all.

1905 - The Mighty Boosh RPS (Julian Barratt/Noel Fielding) PG-13
Noel's been missing for a year, Julian's drunker than he ought to be, Russell got invited to an antiques fair.

No Return and No Deposit - Torchwood/Doctor Who (Emma Cowell, Diane Holmes, the Doctor, Romana) G
"There's a sort of sliding scale of aloneness." Meetings with Time Lords in bars.
Thanks to Lazlet for the beta.

The Terrifyingly Mysterious Case of the Mysterious Phone Call of Mystery - Goth Detectives sort of RPS (Bob Skeleton/Russell Brand) PG for seriously horrific silliness
What is really going on at the end of Hell Lane? Who made that mysterious phone call of mystery? Why are Russell's trousers so tight? All good questions, some of which even may be answered.

In a Dark Wood - Fairy Tales: Beauty and the Beast (Beauty/Beast) PG
Because the wildness is everywhere, and you cannot ever really escape it.
Written for Yuletide 2006. Thanks to Sophrosyne for the beta.

To the End - Torchwood (Jack/Ianto, Jack/Estelle) PG
He always means it at the time.
Spoilers for episode: Small Worlds.

Jackie Tyler's Sestina - Doctor Who (Jackie Tyler) G
Whenever she came home I thought I'd won.
Angst in formal verse. Sestina on Wikipedia.

Drinking in LA - LOTR RPS (Elijah Wood/Dominic Monaghan) PG
It's not his fault.
It's always been
small things that crackle
and shine.

Angst in free verse.

The Time Orlando Had Sex With Elijah - LOTR RPS (Orlando Bloom/Elijah Wood) PG
A story about a time when Orlando had sex with Elijah.

Pure, unadulterated crack for Sophrosyne31.

Human Activities - Doctor Who (Rose Tyler, Sarah Jane Smith, Jackie Tyler, Pete Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jake) G
In order to study an ecosystem it is necessary to consider the way in which organisms interact with each other within the ecosystem.
Written for Aervir in the Rose Tyler Gen Ficathon. Thanks to Elouisa, Natalka and Poule Roulante for beta services.

Heartbeat and Sails - Doctor Who (the Tenth Doctor, the TARDIS, the Fourth Doctor, Romana II) G
The Doctor, travelling alone again.

His Own Man - Doctor Who (Jack Harkness, original characters) PG
It seems to Jack that people keep taking bits of him away and adding other bits on.
Thanks to Lobelia, Sophrosyne31, Natalka, Mysterywoman and Poule Roulante.

Growing Up - Chronicles of Narnia (Susan, implied Lucy/Caspian) PG
Do you remember being grown-up?
Written for Yuletide 2004. Thanks to Lazlet for the beta.

Cowboy Jake - Brokeback Mountain RPS (Jake Gyllenhaal/Heath Ledger) PG
Do you feel like a cowboy yet?
Ficlet written in response to a LiveJournal meme.

five things that never happened to Sean Bean
- LOTR RPS (Sean Bean, various characters) PG-13 (adult themes)
Written in response to the challenge set by One Angry Kate.

Bat Care for Beginners - LOTR RPS (Elijah Wood/Dominic Monaghan) PG
Everything explained! The horses! The bruises! The bats!
What really happened on the night of the Hidalgo premiere?

Making Sense - LOTR RPS (Viggo Mortensen/Elijah Wood) R
Elijah was telling Viggo what colours people's names were, because apparently he knew.
Written for Ainigma, as part of the My Slashy Valentine fic exchange project.

Beauty, Beasts, Etc. - LOTR RPHet (Orlando Bloom/Miranda Otto) R
Miranda hangs out with Orcs.
For Dee.

Resolution - LOTR RPS (Dominic Monaghan/Orlando Bloom) PG
New Year's Day.
For lotrips100's 'resolution' challenge.

The Changes of the Sea - The Dark is Rising (Will/Bran) PG
"I am the bell. I am the tongue of the bell."
Birthday fic for Gunbunny.

In the Cold Light - LOTR RPS (Dominic Monaghan/Billy Boyd) PG
A winter story.

All Souls - LOTR RPS (Dominic Monaghan/Elijah Wood) PG-13
A vampire!Dom story for Halloween, set in the same universe as Blood.

Compilation - LOTR RPS (Elijah Wood/Orlando Bloom) R
Elijah makes a tape. Orlando doesn't go camping.
For the Two Lines fic challenge.

Tea Break - LOTR RPS (Dominic Monaghan/Orlando Bloom) G
Drabble written for lotrips100's 'dream' challenge.

A Cautionary Tale for Boys and Girls - LOTR RPS (Elijah Wood/Dominic Monaghan) PG
AU. A story about naughty schoolboys and Eval P.R.

Blood - LOTR RPS (Dominc Monaghan/Elijah Wood) PG
AU. Dom is a vampire. He works in a bookshop. This makes his life complicated.

Orienteering - LOTR RPS (Dominic Monaghan/Billy Boyd) G
Drabble written for the lotrips100 'fairy tale' challenge.

Thinking About It - LOTR RPS (Orlando Bloom/Dominic Monaghan) PG-13
"Our live flap, and we have no better hope of / Happpiness than this"
Improv fic written for a Contre la Montre
challenge to write a fic in response to a line of poetry.

After She Left - Fairy Tales: Cinderella (Buttons/Prince Charming) R
What happened after the clock struck midnight.

When in Rome - LOTR/The Divine Comedy RPS (Neil Hannon, Dominic Monaghan/Billy Boyd) G
Neil has a sudden craving.

Dispersion - LOTR RPS (Orlando Bloom/Dominic Monaghan) PG-13
All the colours mixed together make white.

Thanks to Lobelia and Kia for the betas.

Refugees - misc actor RPS (Billy Boyd/Christian Bale) PG-13
Well, that's the downside of acting isn't it? The actors.
For Katie.

She Shows You a Picture - The Dark is Rising (Will/Bran) PG-13
The city will show you - if you want.
Improv fic written for the Contre la Montre 'ambiguous ending' challenge.

It Shouldn't Happen to an Elf - LOTR (Legolas/Aragorn) PG
AU snippet. Legolas is a naive but enthusiastic young veterinary surgeon.

Bittersweet - LOTR RPS (Viggo Mortensen/Orlando Bloom) PG-13
Drabble for lotrips100. Not terribly flattering to either of the protagonists.

Shining - Chicago movieverse (Roxie/Velma) PG-13
Roxie wonders why it can't be like the movies.
Improv fic written in 80 minutes for Contre la Montre. The challenge was to write a story consisting of at least three scenes;
each scene beginning with the word that ended the last scene, and the story ending with the word that began it.

The Moonlight and the Brandy - LOTR RPS (Orlando Bloom/Billy Boyd) PG
Orlando and Billy are in the countryside, rejuvenating.
Improv fic written in under 30 minutes for Contre la Montre. The theme was drunkenness/tiredness.

Boys Don't - LOTR RPS (Billy Boyd/Dominic Monaghan) PG-13
Billy didn't know why it always had to be like this.
Improv fic written in under 60 minutes for Contre la Montre. Had to include at least two scenes in at least two different tenses.

A Shack in the Woods - LOTR RPS (Elijah Wood/Dominic Monaghan) PG
"Maybe you should go and be a recluse or something. Go and live in a shack in the woods..."

Open Secret - LOTR RPS (Billy Boyd/Dominic Monaghan, Orlando Bloom POV) PG
People call it an open secret.
Improv fic written in under 60 minutes for Contre la Montre. Had to be written from the point of view of someone who was
neither one of the pairing, nor in love with one of the pairing.

The Visitors - LOTR RPS (Viggo Mortensen/ Sean Bean) R
Viggo is abducted by aliens.

The Real Place - LOTR RPS (Billy Boyd/Dominic Monaghan) PG
Billy gets lost. Dom invents a new game.

Sniffer Dog - LOTR RPS (Dominic Monaghan/Orlando Bloom) PG
Dom's in London with a cold.
Improv fic written in 45 minutes for Contre la Montre. Theme was the sense of smell.

A Far Cry from Dagenham - Pete and Dud RPF, G
Peter makes a phone call.

The Appointment - The Dark is Rising (Will/Bran), PG
Will's not going home for his birthday.

Written for Ashura's Christmas 2003 fic challenge.

White Bread - LOTR RPS (Dominic Monaghan/Elijah Wood), PG
Drabble (100 words).

Holding the Pose - LOTR RPS (Sean Bean/Orlando Bloom), PG-13
Sean is being haunted by a postcard. Orlando is in the mood for a chat.
Pictures for Holding the Pose

Protection - The Dark is Rising (Will/Bran), PG
Will is the watchman.
Partly inspired by something in Pat O'Shea's book, The Hounds of the Morrigan.

Waking Up - Eddie Izzard RPF, G
Soup, knitting, dolphins.

Bad Day - Eddie Izzard RPF, G
Just because the curtain's gone down, doesn't mean the show is over.