The Time Orlando Had Sex With Elijah

One day Orlando had sex with Elijah.

"That was unexpected," said Elijah.

"I know," said Orlando, lighting a somewhat out-of-character Russian cigarette. "I'm not sure what came over me."

There was a small silence while everybody tried to avoid making a bad joke.

"Well," said Elijah, getting out of bed and putting on an out-of-character Chinese brocade smoking jacket. "I'd better be getting back to the sardine factory, I suppose."

Orlando yawned. "Yeah, you don't want to be late." He blew some smoke rings and stared contemplatively into the middle distance. "When did you start working at the sardine factory, anyway?"

Elijah stopped in the act of putting on his left wellington boot, and looked at Orlando. "You know," he said, "I really can't remember. It's as though I've been working there for ever, but then again... I'm sure I had another life, long ago... doing something different."

"I know just what you mean!" said Orlando, excitedly. "I keep feeling as though I can almost remember a time when I didn't run my toffee-apple stall, or wear a monocle, or throw pointless theme parties every second Sunday of the month!"

"Yes!" exclaimed Elijah. "And we didn't suddenly have sex with people for no reason! The way we just did!"

Orlando stubbed out his cigarette in a exquisite Lalique vessel. "I wonder what this means?" he said.

"I don't know," said Elijah. "Perhaps we should try to find out?"

"Perhaps," said Orlando slowly. "Or... perhaps we could just forget about it? After all, I do quite like things the way things are."

"That's true," agreed Elijah. "Whatever it was I did before, I'm sure it couldn't have been more fun than working in a sardine factory. And I do enjoy making balloon animals for the children at the hospice on national holidays."

"Yes," said Orlando. "And, I don't know about you, but I thought that sex we just had was really pretty good."

"Oh, it was excellent!" said Elijah. "Some of the best sex I've had in ages."

Orlando smiled in relief. "So we're agreed then? We'll just carry on as we are... and have more sex?"

"Sounds good to me," said Elijah. They smiled at each other for five full minutes. Then Orlando's face got tired, and Elijah remembered he had to go to work.

THE END